Wondering and Wandering

 I ponder this morning, and I wonder where I am and where I am going. It is difficult for me to believe in my own desires after so many years of wandering and wondering. I realize this as I narrow my desires down to just a single thought. I have an image of a house in my mind - but I try to imagine the "how" even though I am supposed to leave that up to God. I go to sleep in that bed, in that bedroom. Sometimes I walk to the other rooms and look at the bookshelves filled with books, or wander in the garden for a minute - but those visions don't last. I see the bedroom clearest - and the front gate. 

I see a man in conversation with my friend about his trailer - and selling the trailer. I hope that happens for him. I try to picture it every night before sleeping. Neville says -do it once and believe it and it will harden into fact. I still haven't gotten to complete belief - I guess - so I do it every night. 

I know doubt is the sin God cannot forgive - His laws can't get around that. I have to believe for Him to be a part of my life and create for me. Still I pray that He will bless me as much as He can and I strive to overcome the disbelief. 

Today's message is sad, I know, but it is my reality right now. Not everyone who tries to manifest is successful every time. Neville says he struggled some days in the beginning. I keep doing what I have been taught - over and over until I get it right. The thing is ---- I know this works. I have looked back over my life and I can see what I have manifested. It's right there - in my face. The things I have manifested are proof that it works. The fact that they are sometimes negative or less than what I really want means that I don't believe in what I really want and I have received what I believe in. It's all in the level of belief. Until I get that right I will still manifest -just at a lower level. 

I might not leave this entry on the blog - I am feeling a little down today - but up or down I keep trying and doing what I have been taught - over and over until I get it right. Thanks for reading - GlendaA